Good Job is Slate’s advice column on work. Have a workplace problem big or small? Send it to Laura Helmuth and Doree Shafrir here. (It’s anonymous!)
Dear Good Job,
There’s a man at my office who is perfectly nice, but he has this one…I’ll call it a “prop” that makes me uncomfortable. “Carl” is gay, and I’m fine with that. The trouble is that he has this plastic straw that he uses in his drinks that’s in the shape of a dick (not a full-sized one; think the size of a regular straw). Watching him play with it in his mouth constantly makes me feel a little weird. Am I being too judgmental?
—Straw Squick
Dear Straw Squick,
No, you are not being too judgmental. Unless you work for a sex toy company, I don’t think having a straw in the shape of a penis is appropriate for the office. I’m surprised no one else has said anything about it, to be honest. If you think confronting him directly would be too awkward, have a conversation with your manager and ask them if they can get Carl to stop using this straw. There’s a time and a place for dick straws, and the office is not either.
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Dear Good Job,
I have a co-worker who has my same amount of time in the job, yet is constantly prioritized and given raises, promotions, and handed clients, while I have had to fight and work hard for every single thing I have achieved. She’s lazy and refuses to be a team player, except to my boss and one colleague who has more clout. They think she’s great, but she’s burned me so many times when I’ve asked for her help. They see a whole other side to her than the rest of us. I constantly outperform her in numbers, yet she is given more support and opportunities and I’m left to fend for myself. I don’t know what to do to change this!
—Frustrated Enough to Quit
Dear Frustrated Enough to Quit,
I share your frustration! I would also be extremely annoyed if someone was getting rewarded for being lazy and, it seems, selfish. And yet, I hate to say it, but these are the people who often end up succeeding in the corporate world because they have figured out something very important: You need to know how to manage up. It sounds like your colleague has made the shrewd, if cynical, decision that it doesn’t matter how she behaves toward her co-workers as long as her boss and influential colleague think she’s amazing. Sadly, this is often how these things go! I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase “failing upwards”—well, the corporate world is filled with people who have “failed upwards” because they have managed upwards. I used to feel loads of resentment toward these people, and still do, but I also think that there’s probably something to learn from them. Navigating the treacherous corporate waters is a skill, and one you should learn. Maybe start spending less time resenting her and more time emulating her—without turning into a total asshole.
—Doree
Classic Prudie
I’m engaged to be married soon, and, while my fiancé was away on holiday recently, I reconnected with a (heterosexual) friend of the opposite gender and ended up staying overnight unexpectedly. As his shared house does not have a communal living area and his bedroom is quite small, I ended up sleeping in his spacious double bed with him in it. It was strictly platonic, but my fiancé and I are from a relatively conservative background, and my fiancé would not be OK with me seeing this friend again alone if I were to tell him.