Good Job is Slate’s advice column on work. Have a workplace problem big or small? Send it to Laura Helmuth and Doree Shafrir here. (It’s anonymous!)
Dear Good Job,
I’ve been working as a legal assistant for the past year. When I started, I was tasked with hiring two new receptionists, one for my boss and one for one of his associates (who didn’t yet have an assistant). While the person I hired for my boss is fantastic (on-time, well-organized, professional, etc.), the guy I hired for his associate is the complete opposite. I made a huge mistake.
Even though I don’t spend a ton of time working with him, every single interaction feels like trying to get a 4-year-old who just learned what fart jokes are to do math homework.
His responses to serious work emails often contain memes/jokes, are extremely unhelpful, and any work he does do is late to the point of occasionally causing delays with clients. Recently he wrapped the toilet in the men’s room in plastic wrap to “prank me.” He’s 47 years old. He has two kids and an ex-wife. I don’t understand how to get this grown man to do his work when he acts like a child, especially when, for reasons beyond my comprehension, my employer/his associate don’t seem to care. I’m at my breaking point, and honestly considering quitting or even changing careers, as HR has been supremely unhelpful— and both my boss and his associate think it’s funny that I’m upset any time I bring it up.
—Discouraged
Dear Discouraged,
I really, really, really don’t want you to quit your job because of this loser. Since HR, your boss and his associate seem to think this is all hilarious (when it is obviously not!), you’re going to have to start playing a bit of a long game. It’s time to start documenting everything that this guy does that’s remotely inappropriate, unhelpful, late, disruptive to clients or in any other way impedes your ability to do your job. When you have what feels like sufficient documentation, send it in an email to HR and your boss, and include the words “This is creating liability for the firm.” It’s not just about your feelings anymore; this guy is toxic, and could actually cause huge problems for them down the road. They need to recognize that and see it in writing.
That said, I would also do some serious reflection on whether the firm is a good place to work. Is this guy an anomaly, or is he highlighting some very real issues with the workplace that are unlikely to be resolved anytime soon? If it’s the latter, then you can start quietly looking for another job—not because of this guy, per se, but because he’s revealed some fundamental problems with your workplace. And in the meantime, grey rock the hell out of him. You engage with him on a need-to-interact basis, you do not react to his stupid jokes or pranks, and you continue to do your job professionally and competently. I hope your firm comes to its senses soon.
—Doree
Classic Prudie
I have been seeing a really sweet guy for three months. He is intelligent, fun, considerate, and generous. My issue is that he is a virgin and doesn’t seem very interested in changing that. We are both in our early 30s. I am recently divorced—my husband was a compulsive cheat—and have a 2-year-old son. I have discussed sex with “James” and he said that he originally wanted to wait until marriage for religious reasons, but now doesn’t feel that is necessary, he just wants it to be with the right person.